1. YOU’LL UNLEASH THE FOOD MONGER IN YOU: Day 1 of quarantine, and I’ve eaten almost everything that looks like food in this house. Sadly, my mum rescued her pot of soup from the kitchen and locked it inside her room, so much for “social distancing”. A lot of people would experience unnecessary hunger pangs and binge eating. From eating Semo with noodles, to eating yam and garri, with a touch of amala and rice. Dear Lord. It’s about to get fat and shapeless after lockdown. Visiting your refrigerator ten times in less than one hour, fitfab will be thrown out the window. I know a couple of people that are already looking like watermelon.
2. YOUR SUGAR DADDY/MUMMY WONT TAKE YOUR CALLS: Well, if you have been feeling ‘indispensable’, sorry, the owner don collect am. Men would ‘social distance’ themselves from their side chick’s calls, So that they won’t end up socially distant from their families after their wives file for divorce. So if you are an assistant madam, I sympathize with you, this is a really trying period.
3. COUPLES WOULD FIGHT: This would be a really sad period for couples that never actually saw eye to eye, couples that snoop each other’s phones, and couples that have forever been using work as an excuse to stay out late. From tongue lashing each other to unnecessary nagging and irritation. The respect that was maintained basically because they rarely see each other, would diminish with this compulsory holiday. Some of them would end up needing therapy after the lockdown, some would make up for the times they’ve spent apart, some would become best friends with their spouses, while some would come to understand they shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place .
4. YOU GO WASH PLATE TAYA: For the business oriented , social minded, and working class youths, this is a real ugly period. We would be sent on errands like buying pepper at the bus stop, washing plates, collecting change from Iya Kabira that sells kerosene, or worse, drawing water from the well at the next compound. Chores like these are the nightmares of any working class youth that still live with their parents. Endure, only 13 days more.
5. SLAY QUEENS ARE IN TROUBLE: For the ladies that can’t survive without dolling up their faces and “dressing to kill”, well, you are in for a long one. You’d have to dress to impress your tables and chairs, make up to impress your mirrors(if you have one), or sit down to enjoy your natural beauty or ‘beasty’.