My Mum Doesn’t Want Me Anymore

How petty and nasty I can be

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Me: Won’t you give me roasted corn?

Mum: No, you already ate yours.

Me: I’ll tell child services to come and carry me…


Me: (Just getting out of bed) I have a show today at surulere, can I ride with you to Gbagada so I can pick my friends?

Mum: (Getting ready for work) Yes, no problem…..

I rush to the bathroom, had my bath, dressed up and stepped out.Not seeing my sweet mother anywhere, I called the maid.

Me: Jo, where’s mummy?

Jo: (Scratching her neck) Aunty, mummy don go

Me: Wtf

I call my mum on phone

Me: Where are you? Thought you were going to wait for me?

Mum: Thought you said you would order a cab?

Me: Ahn ahn na! Where are you?

Mum: Catch up, I’m not far from the house….

I walked few streets and finally found the car.

Me: I’m a salary earner o, don’t use me to do shakara again(I said as I entered the car)

Mum: Oh awesome. Since you are a salary earner, buy your own car. Meanwhile, while you are in my car, Use your face mask.

Me: I forgot it, Give me one, you have plenty in your bag

Mum: No, I gave you 6 last week.

Me: Jhor now, Shey you want lastma to carry me?

Mum: (laughing, she hands me her bag) o kuku better

Me: (I pick one face mask) I’ll tell child services to come and take me because my mum has rejected me

As petty and as stubborn I tend to be most times, I wonder how my mum was able to put up with my petty ass growing up; speaking less of my brother. One is trouble, two is …… make I no too talk….

We were so much trouble, that the only way to keep us on our best behavior was to threaten us with the remand home. There was no way we were going to allow strangers take us away. A huge part of us knew she was joking.

It’s my turn to threaten her

Me: Won’t you give me roasted corn?

Mum: No, you already ate yours.

Me: I’ll tell child services to come and carry me…

Mum: Help me get egusi and smoked fish

Me: I’m a salary earner and a presenter now mama, I shouldn’t be doing things like that…..

 

Me: Mama please borrow me 1k

Mum: you are a salary earner, you shouldn’t be begging for things like that

Me: I’ll tell child services to come and carry me

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