Depressed And Suicidal

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Lord I need a hug!

My head and heart was heavy.

I refused to take a cab. I just wanted to walk. To see the night lights and feel the wind on my skin. I couldn’t fight back the tLord I need a hug!

My head and heart was heavy.

I refused to take a cab. I just wanted to walk. To see the night lights and feel the wind on my skin. I couldn’t fight back the tears, they just flowed freely, streaming down my face without hindrance. ‘You can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders Becca’ I told myself.

But I was tired. I walked to the foot of the pedestrian bridge and sat. Not minding if people were staring or walking by. Hopelessness and helplessness drowned me. Lord, why do we have so much to do? We have to obey you and we gotta excel in life. Sometimes it seems, it’s only by disobeying God and ignoring religion that we can succeed.

I cried again. My quest for financial wealth and material comfort had me on my knees. I put myself in the shoes of the million youths in the world and how we are all striving for excellence. I’ve heard of too many that committed suicide. When does it stop?

I got off the stairs of the bridge and climbed. The view was overwhelming. Cars, motorbikes, trucks, everyone trying to find their way home. HOME.

I wasn’t ashamed to cry. Every single person that walked past looked at me pitiably but I didn’t care. We all have our burdens. Some were only better at masking it than others. All in all, there’s pain behind our smile.

Where do you go when you are lonely? What do you pray about when you are sad? Who do you talk to when you are confused?

I pitied myself. Some would think of me and wish to be me. Why? Because they see my life as “perfect”. “She got everything going smoothly for her” They would say. I don’t.

At night most of us cry ourselves to sleep. Some would smoke and drink until there’s nothing to smoke and drink anymore. Some are addicts, while some are just ‘Some’.

I’m tired. Aren’t you?

In my resolve, I’ve chosen to be happy. Screw the expectations of others. Screw the yardsticks, screw what our parents want us to be, screw the society, screw the opinions of others. Live and let Live.

We all gotta do what we gotta do.

Not everyone has a place of solace. We just cry it out. No one to listen to us, speaking less of understanding. There’s a pain in our hearts, our eyes hurt. There’s no victory here on earth, there’s only quest for survival. We just gotta keep fighting, fighting till the end. The end is death. It’s not a win-win situation.

The only bliss is that “The end justifies the means”…. though that’s not always through, but whatever we do, we ought to make sure it’s worth it in the end.

I got to the other end of the bridge and sighed.

If it’s meant to be it will be.

Lord let me not fail…. there’s a whole lot to achieve and a whole lot to do. My strength fails me tho, and I don’t even see a way out. Help us all.

This life, I realized, is not a competition. Saddle your own horses and paddle your own canoes. No one really cares or understands your fears. Just do you and know that fulfilment isn’t the ultimate goal, Happiness and Peace of mind is.

ears, they just flowed freely, streaming down my face without hindrance. ‘You can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders Becca’ I told myself.

But I was tired. I walked to the foot of the pedestrian bridge and sat. Not minding if people were staring or walking by. Hopelessness and helplessness drowned me. Lord, why do we have so much to do? We have to obey you and we gotta excel in life. Sometimes it seems, it’s only by disobeying God and ignoring religion that we can succeed.

I cried again. My quest for financial wealth and material comfort had me on my knees. I put myself in the shoes of the million youths in the world and how we are all striving for excellence. I’ve heard of too many that committed suicide. When does it stop?

I got off the stairs of the bridge and climbed. The view was overwhelming. Cars, motorbikes, trucks, everyone trying to find their way home. HOME.

I wasn’t ashamed to cry. Every single person that walked past looked at me pitiably but I didn’t care. We all have our burdens. Some were only better at masking it than others. All in all, there’s pain behind our smile.

Where do you go when you are lonely? What do you pray about when you are sad? Who do you talk to when you are confused?

I pitied myself. Some would think of me and wish to be me. Why? Because they see my life as “perfect”. “She got everything going smoothly for her” They would say. I don’t.

At night most of us cry ourselves to sleep. Some would smoke and drink until there’s nothing to smoke and drink anymore. Some are addicts, while some are just ‘Some’.

I’m tired. Aren’t you?

In my resolve, I’ve chosen to be happy. Screw the expectations of others. Screw the yardsticks, screw what our parents want us to be, screw the society, screw the opinions of others. Live and let Live.

We all gotta do what we gotta do.

Not everyone has a place of solace. We just cry it out. No one to listen to us, speaking less of understanding. There’s a pain in our hearts, our eyes hurt. There’s no victory here on earth, there’s only quest for survival. We just gotta keep fighting, fighting till the end. The end is death. It’s not a win-win situation.

The only bliss is that “The end justifies the means”…. though that’s not always through, but whatever we do, we ought to make sure it’s worth it in the end.

I got to the other end of the bridge and sighed.

If it’s meant to be it will be.

Lord let me not fail…. there’s a whole lot to achieve and a whole lot to do. My strength fails me tho, and I don’t even see a way out. Help us all.

This life, I realized, is not a competition. Saddle your own horses and paddle your own canoes. No one really cares or understands your fears. Just do you and know that fulfilment isn’t the ultimate goal, Happiness and Peace of mind is.

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