Breakup: (noun) the act or instance of breaking up
Bad breakup: (noun) a sudden or unexpected breakup accompanied by a lot of drama on Instagram and often preceded by the discovery of a cheating partner
‘All we do is makeup, then break up’ goes the famous song by Blu Cantrell featuring Sean(a) Paul. Honestly, it feels like that’s all everybody ever does these days. Fall in love and then fall right back out faster than any other generation.
But what do you do when the person you fell for isn’t falling for you anymore?
As bad and hard as breakups can be on both parties, breakups are made worse with the advent of social media; blow ups on Instagram, shade throwing on twitter, calling your now former significant other out and generally airing your dirty laundry for us all to see.
Leave all that behind and push past your pain with these not-so-easy steps:
- Block your ex on social media
Childish? Maybe. But you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do in order to regain your sanity and if not seeing all the, ‘I’m-moving-on-living-life-without-you,’ posts will help, then hit block and don’t look back.
A little unsure? Click here to see if your ex qualifies for an Instagram block.
- Get under another
I bet you’ve heard it said that ‘the way to get over a man, is to get under another.’ Well, okay maybe not literally but attentions from another attractive representative of the same species you’re trying to get over might be just enough distraction. For a while anyway. I think this maybe works for men too.
- Go on a man-cleanse
If talking to men after a bad breakup tends to get you angry, then getting under one won’t work for you. Rather than
walking around bruising egos by comparing every man to your ex (seems women are more prone to this one, sorry), go on a man cleanse and stay away from men and all romantic entanglements as much as you can. Spend time with your girlfriends, and family or take up new activities that can help keep you away from men-ish situations.
4. Purge but don’t brood
Therapy isn’t really a thing in Nigeria (yet), so you may want to appoint a close friend (with a lot of sense), with whom you can have productive conversations about your relationship and why it ended. As part of your purge process, try not to spend a lot of time alone; make new friends if you have to, join a club or a unit in church. Also, write out your frustrations on paper while allowing yourself a good cry, if you must.
Finally, to complete your purge absolve yourself of any/all wrongdoing and toss out gifts and keepsakes if it helps.
5. Get high and stay there
Oh, not hard drugs or anything. Aim for a sugar high or an adrenaline high instead. Indulge your sweet tooth (of course I mean gorge yourself on chocolate cake and skittles), then sweat it out at the gym with a dance class or a spin class. Stay away from depressants especially alcohol and sad songs by Adele or Sam Smith. Those two will do you no good.
6. No regrets
Move on, in your own time but never regret the time you spent in your relationship. It’s never time wasted; it’s just an experience gained or a lesson learned.
You’ll do just fine. I have faith in you.
Credit: Ore Ajewole
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